I was not able to say the way I felt about you and by delaying it – I couldn’t be myself and was not able to accept your friendship either. I can not deny the reality that is deep in my heart but I had hoped what one day… It was me who created a tension between you and me.

     I deeply appreciate your friendship and would like to say sorry for everything what made you feel uncomfortable, bad or confuse caused by any of my actions or words.

     I would like to say that you lifted my soul, made my heart full and excited. You are the most beautiful man in my life. I love  your face, your smile, your good heart, your hair, your white skin, your eyes, your body posture, your mystery, your faith, your silence, your voice, your two paintings, Emily Watson, the way you dress, your scent.

     I love You Randy.

     And I have felt this way since that early morning in September…

     It still feels like  spring time in the middle of a stormy winter. You are the first person to whom by saying – I love you - I really mean it. I never have said it before to a man I had loved.

     I would like to maintain your friendship if that is possible. Thank you for reading this.